THE STRAPPIES 2009

Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of stealth & haste. And haste makes waste & I don't want to waste your time, so let me tell you it's Your Athletic Supporter, Jack Strap here to bring you my 2009 Awards a.k.a. THE STRAPPIES.

BIGGEST FALL: This fall was Wiley Coyote-like from the highest cliff & our STRAPPY Winner TIGER WOODS had no one to blame (certainly not the Roadrunner) but himself. Despite his indiscretions, I have no problem with him winning "Athlete of the Decade" which put him on that highest cliff.

IF YOU AIN'T 1ST, YOU'RE LAST: A Ricky Bobby-like performance by JIMMY JOHNSON in winning his 4th straight NASCAR Championship & this STRAPPY.

THUNDERBOLT & LIGHTFOOT: JJ may be the fastest by car, but this STRAPPY goes to the World's Fastest Man on foot--USAIN "Lightning" BOLT. This STRAPPY is also a classic movie featuring a young Clint "before Make My Day" Eastwood.

A COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN: For this re-named flick Award: the country was the United Kingdom, the event was The British Open, and the STRAPPY Winner at Age 59 was TOM "It's Elementary My Dear" WATSON who came within only 8 feet of victory.

NOT THAT OLD, BUT UN-RETIRED NONETHELESS: This STRAPPY goes to BRETT FAVRE (didn't he also win this award in 2008 with Jets?), although if there will be a Super Story-Book Ending remains to be seen.

SUPER STORY-BOOK ENDING: With a clutch pitch-and-catch last February, sharing this STRAPPY are "Big" BEN R & SANTONIO HOLMES. When Big Ben first heard he was getting a STRAPPY, he wasn't sure if it was for the Super Bowl or when he won Vs. Shaq.

CINDERELLAS: College Football's CINCINNATI, TCU & BOISE ST. made it into the BCS Ball/Bowls to share this STRAPPY, but it turned Midnight when Notre Dame stole the Bearcats Coach & the BCS matched TCU vs. BSU assuring that neither could legitimize themselves.

BASEBALLS BEEN BERY, BERY BAD: Jack Strap continues his Strike against Baseball since their Strike in 1994, but presents this STRAPPY to his MOM who watched all the Phillies Games this year. Question is if Your Athletic Supporter is dating himself with references to the 1994 strike & worse yet 1979 SNL character Chico Escuela.

SLAP SHOT: This Olde Time Hockey STRAPPY goes to the NHL for coming up with outdoors "Winter Classic" with the 2009 game at Wrigley Field & upcoming Bruins vs. Flyers (anybody remember the Broad St. Bullies and/or the Hansen Brothers?) at classic Fenway Park.

CAN YOU DIG IT, SPIKER: This STRAPPY is a follow-up to Joey Mays' Penn State Volleyball story below & goes to the LADY LIONS who went on to win the National Championship for the 3rd straight year. The spikes & digs (and long legs) in that ultra-exciting 5-set win were "simply irresistible".

I HATE TO EAT & RUN: With his latest run to Kentucky, this STRAPPY Award-winner JOHN CALIPARI is eating very well while his former teams: Memphis & UMass have paid the NCAA price.

SHAQQY STRAPPY: This STRAPPY was invented by Shaq for SHAQ as the Big Humanitarian decided to help Lebron James in 2009 after his Cavs lost to the Magic & that kid dunked on the King.

Once guys start inventing STRAPPIES for themselves, it's time to bring the curtain down on THE STRAPPIES 2009. Hope you enjoyed 2009 & wishing all of you a Happy New Year 2010.